Debt-Anon Signposts: Many of the following behaviors are common experiences or “signs” shared by those considering recovery through the Debt-Anon fellowship.
1. Choosing to get close to people who have emotional, mental and spiritual problems with money/debt and are repeatedly harmed by their behavior.
2. Becoming financially irresponsible ourselves, making choices about our time, money, and energy based on trying to please, placate, or rescue others.
3. Missing and/or ignoring red flags about these patterns, and then are surprised when we are hurt or betrayed.
4. Spending time with people who are not self-supporting, hate their jobs, or compulsively spend.
5. Paying another’s share or assuming their debt, thinking money is love; we do for others what is their responsibility to do for themselves.
6. Harboring resentment, we become stingy with our time, money, and energy; we consider ourselves superior to the debtor and act condescending and withhold our love and care towards them.
7. Avoiding assertiveness and direct respectful communication about money, burying our discomfort and pretending it doesn't matter.
8. Observing or participating in financially abusive situations/behavior (for example, we may witness our partner, boss, sibling, or child committing fraud or theft and remain silent)
9. Shrinking or enlarging ourselves to fit -- we make ourselves smaller so we don't threaten others or larger to make up for their short comings
10. Judging and criticizing other people’s money behavior, dwelling in fear, resentment, and chronic conflict or frozen compromise.
11. Overvaluing wealth and luxury or undervaluing our ability to have or deserve nice things. We have lost touch with our fundamental needs including health, safety, security, and serenity.
12. Trying to "fix" and help others without being asked. Or we are repeatedly drawn to debtors or debting situations that lead us to ignore our own needs and distract us from being present in our own lives. |